I thought I knew what was best for me.
I walked into a packed auditorium at the age of 17, just having left my family and my high school sweetheart for college. I wasn’t anxious or nervous, I was elated to finally be FREE.
I knew what was best for me and being ALONE was it.
I had signed up for a pre-college whitewater rafting trip and was meandering through the crowd trying to find my raft group / the group of other students who also signed up to spend a week together camping in the WVA heat and spending their days on the water.
I figured it was a great opportunity to find my kindred spirits.
Little did I know how much this trip was going to change my life.
I finally saw my raft number sign bobbing about just above some heads and walked over. Three girls, three boys and me; I was the last to arrive.
One of them greeted me, asked me my name and confirmed that I was in the right place. Just as I was about to settle in, one of the boys turned around and looked me right in the eye and said:
“Hi, I’m Brian and I’m from California”.
The minute I locked eyes with him I knew.
Instantly, I was hit with a rush of electric energy that plummeted down my spine and into the ground.
No! I thought to myself, this cannot be happening. God, please say it ain’t so… I can’t do this God.
It was then as if God heard my complaint and knew that he had to seal the deal and respond, I watched this young man move across the circle to come and physically greet me.
Shit.
I knew that being alone, not in another relationship was best for me and yet here I was, standing face to face with someone who I instantly loved.
I didn’t want to love him. I didn’t want to fall head over heels for him.
I wanted to be free. I wanted to go and be at college without a care, without an ache, without the inevitable heartbreak.
But what if none of those fears ever came to pass? What if I had stopped fighting and just trusted God?
I don’t think the ending would have been different but the journey could have been a lot more fun.
I met my husband that very day, at the age of 17. We married 4 years later on the day we met and now we have been married for 15 years.
The best things in my life have been those I fought the hardest. The ones that never seemed to make any sense or I wanted the least.
I held this strong belief that unless I worked for something, I unless I suffered and endured pain, it wasn’t real – something had to be wrong.
I was allergic to EASE.
I told myself that only hardship was best for me. That only effort and hard work was best for me.
What if that’s not true? What if life is actually meant to have EASE worked into it? What if magical things happen?
Would you be ready and open to receiving the Universe’s gifts? The Universe’s blessings? Or would you be like me and fight them off, thinking that there’s no way something so magnificent could ever be best for you?
I’ve made a commitment to myself to find that thinking, to rewrite that story. To see God/The Universe as a kind and loving being and invite more EASE into my life. Because instead of being so committed to hardship, I’m comitting myself to finding more EASE – more love, more joy, more openness and flow.
This is still very much a work-in-progress for me. I am working on growing my Faith and building trust with the Universe but today stands as a reminder that some things in life are beyond your wildest imagination.
And they can be absolutely epically awesome.
Do you fight for things in your life or let opportunities come to you? Message me and let me know.
Here are some resources that are helping me on this journey of growing my Faith:
